They Offered You the Board Seat Over Lunch. You Still Haven’t Replied.

Evidence Review · The Reading Room, Vol. 130 · 8 min read · what the most widely used measure of fear of failure found about what people are really afraid of, and why it is rarely the failure itself

Fear of failure sounds like a beginner’s problem. In fact it is often strongest in people with long records of success, because they have the most to lose and the least practice at losing. Research that took the fear apart found five different fears underneath it, and knowing which one is yours changes what helps.

The short answer: fear of failure is the anxiety that comes from anticipating what failing would mean, more than the failure itself. Research using the Performance Failure Appraisal Inventory identified five separate fears underneath it: shame and embarrassment, a lower opinion of yourself, an uncertain future, important people losing interest, and upsetting important people.¹ It is linked with worry and lower optimism, but not with lower actual competence.¹ Naming which of the five drives yours is the first step to loosening it.

The board seat was offered informally over lunch. Non-executive, a respected charity, two meetings a quarter. Exactly the kind of thing she had said for years she would do “when there was time.” She thanked the chair warmly and said she would think about it. Then, for three weeks, she found reasons not to reply. She did not know enough about the sector. The timing was bad. Someone else would be better. None of these were quite true, and she knew it.

The real sentence, the one she did not say even to herself, was simpler. What if I’m not good at it, and they all see?

Jump to: What it is · The five fears · Why achievers feel it · How it shows up · The worst-case ledger · Questions women actually ask

What is fear of failure?

It is anxiety about what failing would mean for you: how you would feel, how others would see you, what would happen next. Psychologist David Conroy describes it in terms of appraisals, the beliefs people hold about the consequences of failing.¹ That is a useful shift. It means the fear is not really about the event. It is about the story attached to the event.

What are the five fears behind fear of failure?

When Conroy and colleagues built the Performance Failure Appraisal Inventory and tested it with 544 college students, five separate fears emerged.¹ Each points to a different worry, and a different response.

Most women find one or two of these hit hard and the rest barely register. That is the useful part. “Fear of failure” is too big to work on. “Fear of being seen to fall short by the chair” is not.

Fear of failure often grows when you are already stretched, because there is no slack left to absorb a misstep. Seeing your full load is a way to judge how much room you actually have. Start here.

Why do successful women fear failure so much?

The research offers one surprising clue: fear of failure was not linked to how competent people believed themselves to be.¹ Feeling capable does not protect you. If anything, a long record of success can make the fear sharper, for three reasons.

First, the stakes feel higher. When your identity has been built on doing well, a failure threatens more than a result. That is the “self-estimate” fear in the table. Second, there is less practice. People who have rarely failed publicly have had few chances to learn that it is survivable. Third, other people’s expectations grow with your record, so the “upsetting important others” fear grows too. We looked at how responsibility for everyone else compounds this in three people said how strong I’d been.

Perfectionism sits close by. The two are not the same, but they reinforce each other, especially the habit of sorting results into only pass or fail, which we covered in eleven slides went well.

What are the signs of fear of failure?

In capable women it rarely looks like fear. It looks like sensible caution. Saying “not yet” to opportunities you want. Over-preparing for things that do not need it. Procrastinating on the one task where the outcome is uncertain. Choosing roles where success is likely rather than roles that would stretch you. Downplaying ambitions before anyone else can.

The research also links it with high worry, physical signs of anxiety and disrupted concentration.¹ That last one matters: the fear itself can make performance worse, which then seems to justify the fear. If the worry is constant, spreads across every area of life and is affecting sleep or mood, that is anxiety worth discussing with a doctor or therapist, and it responds well to treatment.

How do you overcome fear of failure?

By making the fear specific enough to examine. The practice is the worst-case ledger, and it takes ten minutes with a pen.

Pick the decision you are avoiding. Draw three columns. In the first, write the worst realistic outcome, not the catastrophe, the realistic bad version. In the second, write which of the five fears it touches, using the table above. In the third, write what you would actually do the week after it happened.

For the board seat, it might read: I struggle in the first two meetings and say something uninformed. Shame, and self-estimate. I would ask the chair for a briefing, read the last year’s papers, and be better by the third meeting. Seen written down, the worst case usually turns out to be uncomfortable and recoverable, which is a very different thing from the formless dread in your head.

Then take one step the fear has been blocking, small and reversible. Reply to the email. Ask the question. Put your name forward. Each time you act and survive the outcome, the fear’s prediction gets tested against reality, and it tends to lose.

Questions women actually ask about this

What causes fear of failure?

It comes from beliefs about what failing would mean: shame, a lower opinion of yourself, an uncertain future, or losing or upsetting important people.¹ High expectations, perfectionism and having rarely failed publicly can make these beliefs stronger, even in very capable people.

Is fear of failure a form of anxiety?

It is closely related. Research found fear of failure linked with high worry, physical anxiety symptoms and disrupted concentration.¹ On its own it is not a diagnosis. If worry is constant and affects sleep, mood or daily life, it is worth speaking to a doctor or therapist.

What are the signs of fear of failure?

Avoiding opportunities you want, procrastinating on uncertain tasks, over-preparing, choosing safe options, and talking down your own ambitions. In high achievers it often looks like caution or high standards rather than fear.

How do I stop being afraid of failure?

Make the fear specific: write the realistic worst case, identify which underlying fear it touches, and plan what you would do afterwards. Then take small, reversible steps that test the fear against reality. Persistent, severe fear may benefit from cognitive behavioural therapy.

For the bigger idea underneath this, that a fearful prediction is a thought rather than a fact, start with our guide: you have been right for thirty years.

On the research. The inventory was developed with college students, many of them athletes, not midlife professionals, so applying the five fears here is an extension of the research rather than a direct finding. The links with worry and optimism are correlations. The worst-case ledger is a practical exercise drawn from standard cognitive behavioural technique, not a tested intervention.

References
1. Conroy DE, Willow JP, Metzler JN. Multidimensional fear of failure measurement: The Performance Failure Appraisal Inventory. Journal of Applied Sport Psychology. 2002;14(2):76–90.

Written by Tomasz Nowak for Blue Leaf Journal.