You Rehearsed It in the Car. Here Is What the Research Says About Telling Your Manager.

Body · The Reading Room, Vol. 120 · 8 min read · what UK research on women at work found about disclosing menopause, what women say helps, and a three-sentence script for the conversation

You have rehearsed it in the car. You have decided against it in the lift. Your manager is younger than you, or a man, or both, and the word itself feels like it will change how you are seen. The research says your hesitation is shared by most women in your position, and it also says what makes the conversation go well.

The short answer: telling your manager you’re in menopause is a choice, not an obligation, and most women in one large UK survey chose not to. Of 896 women in professional and managerial jobs, the majority were unwilling to disclose menopause-related health problems to line managers, most of whom were men or younger than them.¹ When women were asked what good managers do, the answers were specific: know something about menopause, communicate with sensitivity, and offer practical adjustments such as flexible hours.² You can decide how much to say, and you can ask for one concrete change.

It happened in the quarterly review. Mid-sentence, the number you had checked three times that morning simply left. You covered it, you found it in your notes, nobody noticed. Then the heat started at your collarbone and climbed, and you spent the next ten minutes hoping the flush would fade before you had to speak again. Afterwards your manager said, kindly, that you had seemed a bit off. You said you had not slept well. That was true. It was also not the whole story.

If you are weighing whether to tell your manager, you are probably weighing two risks: the risk of being seen differently if you say it, and the cost of carrying it alone if you do not.

Jump to: Should you tell? · Why most women don’t · What women say helps · What to ask for · The three-sentence script · Questions women actually ask

Should I tell my manager I’m going through menopause?

Only if it helps you. There is no rule that says you must, and plenty of women manage well without saying a word. But if symptoms are affecting your work, if you need a change you cannot make on your own, or if you are spending energy hiding something that a short conversation could ease, then telling your manager can be worth it.

A more useful question: what do I need, and does my manager need to know in order for me to get it? If the answer is a desk by a window, a fan, or the freedom to start an hour later after a bad night, it usually helps to explain why.

Why don’t women tell their managers about menopause?

In 2013, Amanda Griffiths and colleagues at the University of Nottingham surveyed 896 women aged 45 to 55 working in professional, managerial and administrative jobs across ten organisations. The majority were unwilling to disclose menopause-related health problems to their line managers, and most of those managers were men or younger than the women themselves.¹

That finding matches what many women describe: embarrassment, fear of being seen as less capable, and a sense that the subject does not belong at work. For a woman who has built her reputation on competence, the fear of being quietly reclassified can be sharper than the symptoms.

The same survey also recorded what the women were dealing with. The most problematic symptoms for work were poor concentration, tiredness, poor memory, feeling low or depressed and lowered confidence. Hot flushes were particularly difficult, and some women felt their work performance had been affected.¹ Most of these are invisible. That is part of why they are so tiring to hide.

If you are trying to work out how much of what you are feeling is menopause, how much is workload and how much is everything else, the Quiet Audit lays it out on one page in ten minutes. Start here.

What do women want from their managers?

A later study asked this directly. Researchers at King’s College London and the University of Nottingham, including Myra Hunter and Amanda Griffiths, asked 137 peri- and post-menopausal working women aged 45 to 65 what employers and managers should and should not do.²

Three themes came through. First, awareness: managers who know something about menopause, and who notice how the physical environment, such as heat and ventilation, affects symptoms. Second, communication: the way a manager responds matters as much as what they offer, and women could describe both helpful and unhelpful behaviour clearly. Third, action: training, awareness-raising, and supportive policies on sickness absence and flexible hours.²

What adjustments can I ask for at work?

Start with the one that would make the biggest difference, not the full list. For many women, that is either time or temperature. If hot flushes are the main problem, we looked at them in detail in hot flashes at work.

It is also worth knowing that some help does not depend on your manager at all. In a randomised trial run through the occupational health and human resources departments of eight organisations, 124 working women with frequent, problematic hot flushes and night sweats were given either a self-help cognitive behavioural therapy booklet or no treatment for the time being. The booklet significantly reduced how problematic the symptoms felt at six and twenty weeks, and by twenty weeks it had reduced work impairment linked to menopause.³

If the exhaustion you are describing goes beyond menopause, or has been building for longer than your symptoms, it may be worth reading tired is not the test as well. Burnout and menopause often arrive together, and each can make the other look worse.

How do I tell my manager I’m in menopause?

The practice is a three-sentence script. Write it down before the meeting, so you do not have to find the words in the moment.

Sentence one, what is happening: “I’m going through menopause, and some of the symptoms are affecting me at work.” You can say “perimenopause” or “a health matter” if you prefer. You decide the level of detail.

Sentence two, the impact: “Mostly it’s disturbed sleep and hot flushes, which make afternoons and warm rooms harder.” Keep it to one or two things, described in terms of work.

Sentence three, the request: “What would help most is starting at ten on two days a week,” or “a desk by the window.” One specific, reasonable change.

Then stop and let your manager respond. If the conversation goes well, agree a date to review it. If it goes badly, you have lost nothing you had before, and you can take the same three sentences to HR or occupational health. Many women find that once the words are out, the hiding stops costing so much, whatever the manager says.

Questions women actually ask about this

Do I have to tell my employer I’m going through menopause?

No. Disclosure is your choice. Most women in a large UK survey chose not to tell their line managers.¹ You may decide to tell only if you need an adjustment.

How do I talk to my boss about menopause symptoms?

Keep it short and practical: what is happening, how it affects your work, and one specific change that would help. Women surveyed valued managers who responded with awareness and sensitivity.²

What reasonable adjustments can I ask for?

Women in research most often asked for flexible working hours, better temperature and ventilation, access to information and support, and managers who understand menopause.¹

What if my manager is a man or younger than me?

That is common. In one survey, most line managers were men or younger than the women reporting to them.¹ A short, work-focused script makes the conversation easier for both of you.

What if the conversation goes badly?

Write down what you said, what you asked for and how your manager responded, with the date, the same day. Then take the same request to HR or occupational health. A calm written record protects you, and it often turns a poor first response into a proper process.

Should I tell colleagues as well?

Only if you want to. Some women find that telling one trusted colleague makes meetings easier, because someone else knows why you might open a window or step out for a minute. Others keep it strictly between themselves and their manager. Both are reasonable, and you can change your mind later.

Can menopause affect my performance at work?

It can for some women. The most problematic symptoms reported were poor concentration, tiredness, poor memory, low mood and lowered confidence.¹ A self-help CBT booklet reduced menopause-related work impairment in one trial.³

On the research. The survey and the qualitative study were conducted in the UK with women in mostly non-manual jobs, and both relied on women’s own reports. The CBT trial compared the booklet with no treatment during the study period, not with another treatment. None of these studies tested what happens after disclosure, so the script above is our practical translation of what women said helps, not a tested intervention.

References
1. Griffiths A, MacLennan SJ, Hassard J. Menopause and work: an electronic survey of employees’ attitudes in the UK. Maturitas. 2013;76(2):155-159.
2. Hardy C, Griffiths A, Hunter MS. What do working menopausal women want? A qualitative investigation into women’s perspectives on employer and line manager support. Maturitas. 2017;101:37-41.
3. Hardy C, Griffiths A, Norton S, Hunter MS. Self-help cognitive behavior therapy for working women with problematic hot flushes and night sweats (MENOS@Work): a multicenter randomized controlled trial. Menopause. 2018;25(5):508-519.

Written by Tomasz Nowak for Blue Leaf Journal.